I'm a Mom, a Wife, and Somewhere in There, I'm Still Me

Learning that it's okay to have dreams that belong to me, too.

Somewhere between changing diapers, making meals, cleaning up toys, and keeping up with everyone else's needs, I realized something.

I couldn't remember the last time I had truly done something just for myself.

Not something for the house.

Not something for the kids.

Not something that needed to get done because somebody was depending on me.

Something for me.

And that realization hit a little harder than I expected.

Because I love being a mom.

I love being a wife.

But somewhere underneath all those responsibilities, I'm still a person with my own interests, goals, and dreams.

And lately, I've been trying to reconnect with her.

When Motherhood Becomes Your Whole Identity

Being a stay-at-home mom is one of those jobs that never really ends.

There are no official clock-out times. No guaranteed lunch breaks. And even when the kids are sleeping, there's usually something else that needs your attention.

With three little ones, most of my days revolve around what everyone else needs.

Someone's hungry.

Someone needs changing.

Someone's crying.

Someone's getting into something they probably shouldn't be.

And before I know it, the entire day has passed.

Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade being their mom for anything.

But I think sometimes, as mothers, we become so focused on taking care of everyone else that we forget we're allowed to want things outside of motherhood.

And when we finally admit that, guilt has a funny way of showing up.

The Guilt of Wanting Something for Yourself

For a while, I think I had this idea that wanting more for myself somehow meant I wasn't satisfied with the life I already had.

But that's not true.

I can love my family and still want a career.

I can enjoy being home with my babies and still want to learn something new.

I can be proud of my husband's accomplishments and still want to accomplish something of my own.

Those things can exist together.

And I'm learning that having personal goals doesn't make me any less dedicated to my family.

If anything, I want my children to grow up seeing that their mom had dreams, too.

That she was willing to try something new.

That she didn't stop believing in herself just because life got busy.

Taking the First Step Toward Something New

Recently, I decided to start looking into going back to school.

And not just thinking about it.

Actually taking steps toward making it happen.

I've been exploring becoming an Occupational Therapy Assistant, and it's something I've started getting genuinely excited about.

Part of that interest comes from my experiences as a mom and learning more about how children grow, develop, and experience the world differently.

It's opened my eyes to a field I hadn't seriously considered before.

And for the first time in a while, I found myself researching something because I wanted to.

Not because someone needed me to.

Not because it was another task on my never-ending to-do list.

But because I could actually picture myself doing it.

I started looking into colleges, programs, and what it would take to reach that goal.

And eventually, I submitted a college application.

That might not sound like a huge accomplishment to everyone, but for me, it was a big deal.

Because it was a step toward something that belongs to me.

Starting Something New Is Scary

Of course, it hasn't all been excitement.

I've had plenty of questions running through my head.

How am I going to balance school with three little kids?

What will our schedule look like?

What happens when life gets overwhelming?

Am I really ready to become a student again?

And then there's the fact that we're preparing for another military move while my husband gets ready to be away for a year.

Talk about timing, right?

But I'm realizing there might never be a perfect time.

There will probably always be laundry waiting to be folded, appointments to schedule, dishes in the sink, and someone calling for Mom.

If I keep waiting for life to slow down completely, I might be waiting forever.

And I don't want to look back years from now wondering what would've happened if I'd just given myself a chance.

I Want My Kids to See Me Try

One of the biggest reasons I want to pursue this is because of my children.

Not because I feel like I have something to prove to them, but because I want them to see what it looks like to keep growing.

I want them to know that becoming a parent doesn't mean your dreams have to end.

Sometimes your dreams change.

Sometimes they take longer than you originally planned.

And sometimes you discover a completely new dream because of the life you're living.

If one day my children feel nervous about trying something new, I want to be able to tell them that I understand.

That their mom was nervous, too.

But she tried anyway.

Finding Myself Again, One Small Step at a Time

I don't expect this journey to be easy.

I'm sure there will be stressful days, moments of self-doubt, and times when I question how I'm going to manage everything.

And that's okay.

I'm not trying to become some perfect version of myself who balances motherhood, marriage, education, and personal goals without ever getting overwhelmed.

I'm just trying to make room for myself in a life where I'm so used to making room for everyone else.

Because before I was someone's wife, I was me.

Before I became a mom, I was me.

And even though those roles have changed my life in beautiful ways, that person didn't disappear.

She's still here.

She's just figuring out what her next chapter looks like.

So here's to the moms who are starting over, going back to school, exploring a new career, building a business, or simply trying to remember what makes them happy outside of motherhood.

You're allowed to grow alongside your children.

You're allowed to chase your own dreams.

And you're allowed to be proud of yourself for taking that very first step.

Until next time,

Boots, Bottles, and Bedtime 💜