I Didn’t Realize How Lonely Moving Away Would Feel

Before I moved, most of my actual friends were people I worked with.

But calling them coworkers doesn’t even really feel right because they felt more like family.

We saw each other all the time. We talked about everything, complained about work, laughed over stupid stuff, knew what was going on in each other’s lives, and were just around each other so much that the friendships kind of happened naturally.

I never really had to think about making friends.

Then I moved to another state and everything changed.

I wasn’t working anymore, I was home with the kids, and all of a sudden I didn’t have that same group of people around me every day.

And I don’t think I realized how much I was going to miss that.

Of course, when you move, everybody says they’ll still keep in touch.

And you do for a while.

But then life starts life-ing.

People have work, kids, relationships, appointments, things going on at home, and before you know it, you haven’t talked in a while.

There doesn’t even have to be a falling out.

Sometimes life just gets busy.

And I think that’s what’s been the weirdest part for me.

Nothing necessarily happened.

I just moved.

My life changed.

Their lives kept moving too.

Now, being a stay-at-home mom, I’m around people all day, but they’re tiny people.

I can go an entire day without having a real adult conversation outside of my family.

And sometimes I miss that.

I miss having people I could see without planning it.

I miss walking into work and already knowing who I was going to talk to.

I miss the random conversations that weren’t scheduled around naps, meals, appointments, or bedtime.

Now, friendship feels like something you have to actually plan.

And making friends as an adult is already awkward enough.

Making friends as a mom?

Even more awkward.

You meet another mom and you’re basically trying to figure out if you actually like each other or if your kids just happen to be around the same age.

Then you have to figure out schedules.

Then somebody’s kid gets sick.

Then somebody cancels.

Then three weeks go by.

It’s a lot.

Sometimes I even think about texting someone and then get distracted and completely forget.

Or I see a message and think, “I’ll answer this in a minute,” and somehow that minute turns into two days.

Not because I don’t care.

My brain is just always somewhere else.

And I think motherhood made me realize how easy friendships used to feel.

Back when I worked, friendship was just part of my day.

Now it takes effort.

And sometimes I don’t have much effort left to give after taking care of everybody else.

That doesn’t mean I don’t miss people though.

I definitely do.

I miss the people I used to work with.

I miss feeling like I had my own little group.

I miss having people who knew me before I became “Mom” all day, every day.

And I think moving away made me realize that sometimes you can miss a chapter of your life without wanting to go back to it.

I love the life I have now.

I love being home with my kids.

But I can still miss having friends nearby.

Both can be true.

I’m still figuring out what friendship looks like in this stage of my life.

Maybe it’s not seeing somebody every day anymore.

Maybe it’s sending a random text after not talking for two weeks.

Maybe it’s having one good friend instead of a whole group.

Maybe it’s eventually finding new people where I am now.

I don’t really know yet.

What I do know is that moving away didn’t just mean leaving a job or leaving a state.

I left people too.

People who were part of my everyday life.

And sometimes I really miss that.